This show is the future. The future of Nothing.

The Matt and Melissa Show broadcasts and experiments with various illicit substances weekly for an hour and a half. Now the podcast can be heard anywhere with internet; Hamilton, Vineland, Espanola, Fort McMurray, Sioux Lookout, Winnipeg, Inukjuak, Moncton, Dartmouth, Squamish, Moose Jaw and Taloyoak!

German Tv Show Car Stunt Goes Wrong - Audience View.

The footage NBC chose not to show, but we had to watch 3 times in a row.

Samuel Koch (pronounced 'Cock') attempts to jump 5 cars on German TV show. His dad gives him a big smile right before he smokes him.

We went nowhere, and now we're back.

The Matt & Melissa Show
Episode 5
The Perspec-ta-sode

You'll have to look to the future for our fifth show. The perspec-ta-sode (a name Matt abhors) is rife with aptly themed crap we talked about and Visine in the drinks. Does it make you poop or pass out? Does Melissa end up on the toilet or the studio (kitchen) floor? You'll have to open your mind and your ears and check out our fifth!
Episode 5 coming sooner than the end of the world!


Fans of the band Dethklok and the show Metalocalypse can stop committing suicide in droves because they've returned. Armed with a new episode titled "Fertilityklok" which airs Sunday, September 26th (which also happens to be today). Hopefully this is the first of a dozen new episodes for season 3; a season that ended abruptly after only 6 episodes
Go on over and diefordeathklok because I'm not telling you anymore.

Coming not so soon...
Episode 6.66

Satan may or may not be real, but with Hallowe'en creeping up on us we'll be bringing you Episode 6.66 the Evil episode? Stay tuned!

Sage Francis - Little Houdini

Episode 4: The Deth-a-sode

This Week's Sponsors:
Death a.k.a.- The Grim Reaper & (stealing from) the Internet

  • What Did You Do Last Night.... We're still trying to get sued (or killed) by Rockin' Ray, Michelle Quinn, Oldies 1150 and Astral Media.

  • There WAS a big meteor shower, it didn't pelt the earth with meteors killing us all, but it was last week. And actually it did have a name; Perseids Meteor Shower. Meteors are not uncommon throughout the month of August in the Northern Hemisphere.

  • Random Holidays in August- There are a lot of 'em in case you wanted to throw an incredibly useless party for someone. Or just need an alibi for a party you were at when you killed someone.

  • Feel the Heat- Old news, but its funny. A fan wore a Lebron James Miami Heat jersey to a Cleveland Indians game and Cleveland residents probably would've have made him fear the Reaper if cops weren't there.

  • Holy Feet!- He died for your flip flops.

  • The Mindset List- Just to remind you how quickly your memory can die.

  • Robert Pickton- The Canadian man who answered a "Reaper Wanted" ad.

  • This Makes No Scents?!!- Pumpkin and Lavendar make men horny... maybe he means hungry? I'm going to free Pickton just so he can kill this guy.

  • I Don't Know Wtf Middle Tennesee Is, But 'Little Houdini' Stole Crystal Gayle's Tour Bus- He also escaped from police custody 8 times and he hates that song about him, so we played it for ya. I wonder if Sage Francis knows that... **Warning** This story features "the big C".

  • The HST is the DEATH of the GST/PST in at least 3 Canadian provinces so far.

  • Music News- Guess who died this week? Thats right, ELVIS AARON PRESLEY. Seriously, his last words were: "I'm going into the bathroom to read". Amazingly the 3 women killed while holding a night vigil outside Graceland weren't actually fans. Death laughed.

If this episode caused you or someone near you to die, write to us at:

This show is dedicated to a great fuckin' guy and an amazing drummer.
"There's men, underground and they've never see the sun and they really know how to party"

Episode 3: The Assholes Episode

This week's episode is dedciated to what we, and everyone else is/are sometimes; assholes (and we definitely are assholes). Except we're also wrongly accused! First to admit when we are wrong, we admit that we aren't! After some bar patio yelling and confusion Matt vs. Matt as we make our first successful on-air phone call to get to the 'bottom' of this asshole business!

  • Cabbage patch doll's. Why is that man's signature on your asshole?
  • Other Matt. What's the deal? Can there only be one?
  • Other Matt phone call. Tip *if you don't want to be on the radio, hang up.
  • Masturbation death story. She masturbated to DEATH!
  • Mel Gibson. People are calling him an asshole for some reason.
  • Hamilton hate crime and other crime. Hear some asshole statistics!
  • Hogweed. This plant is a real asshole.
  • MUSIC NEWS! With KILLER new production!
  • Birthday Bitches. More people you may or may not know or care about were born!

The Matt and Melissa Show. Episode 2.

The heatwave episode!

Last week we promised this episode would be the 'Keyboard Cleaner' huffing episode but as Matt says: "Its too hawt to huff keyboard cleaner". Sorry Allison.

Hottest Places in the World. You wouldn't believe some people don't just catch on fire but you will believe where they are. How much heat does Hamilton bring to the kitchen?

Five Minute Mark F*ck Ups

Is It Possible to Sweat to Death? Did Matt really get heatstroke? It turns out 'Rehydrate' is a word after all. Water Intoxication: It should be fun since its a type of intoxication right?

•1180 Canadians Killed in History's Deadliest Heatwave!

Candwich. Its a sandwich and it comes in a can and 3 lovely flavours to rot your gut! PB and Strawberry jelly, PB and Grape jelly and BBQ CHICKEN!

Tell Us How You Really Feel. Melissa shares her feelings on the Hamilton Spectator newspaper and reveals the one thing its good for.

Food Is Just Another Word For Crack. It turns out everyone knows this including Matt?!! (I didn't) If you already knew, tell us how you did at

Good News Everyone! They developed 2 more flavours of the Candwich!

You've Seen Fat Morrison & Skinny Morrison But You Haven't Seen Skeleton Morrison.

•I Like Pina Coladas and Matt Hates Getting Caught In The Rain. Alcohol that’s enjoyable in the heat.

Jennifer Saunders Isn't Dying Darling! Not yet anyway.

•BIRTHDAY B*TCHES! People you may or may not know had birthdays.

•Music News!

Someone Finally Got Around to Mapping Ozzy's DNA! ..and it wasn't Sharon.

The Lady Gag Gag Love Doll ...and its not a man!

•Finally, its TV HAT! It's 'hands-free' so you can watch porn on your lunch break! It also comes in 5 colours since 'camo' is a colour in the United States.

This weeks sponsor who gave us nothing:
Soave white wine. Ginger Ale. Welch's Grape Juice.

This weeks show is dedicated to nothing but:
Air conditioning. Which we will flaunt to people who live in the hottest places on Earth.

Check out our new feed subscriptions, links, drinks, stinks and pinks!

One Little Indian

A good nanny is an educational culturally aware nanny!

The Matt & Melissa Show Podcast 1

The Matt & Melissa Show

The Future of Nothing.

June 28th 2010

Episode 1

The Glue Huffing Episode

  • How to take a flattering licence photo. Drivers or I.D. (thanks to Randy)
  • 60 Second Shawrma review. Who knew chickens had hides? Beet, the vegetable you wouldn't guess.
  • Local Farmer Plug
  • Grown Ups
    This is a movie we don't need to review, but for some reason we did?
    We talk about some other films worth watching and decide to watch Private Parts instead.
  • Matt reviews some freaky film about a guy who cuts fingers off for money and a dancing pig demon who sings about suicide and K-holes. Its too bad he couldn't remember the name of the flick.
  • Friendly neighbourhood tuba.
  • Hero of Nothing But Awesomeness of the Week:
    Oscar the World's First Bionic Kitty!
  • I don't know why anyone would 'Boo' a celebrity in line for an iCrack. I plan to boo EVERYONE in line for one!
  • Palm Springs is the best place to get robbed.
  • If you wanted to know how to do the running man with a (country) twist thats "Jammin!" you just had to ask.
  • Music News (doo doo)

    Axl learns how to use more than one finger.

    One less black-eyed pea in the pod?
  • Birthday B*tches!
    People you don't know were born today (as in the day this show aired) if you know who Terri Nunn is then you know why we'd still hit that at 49. An Irish guy, an Italian and a Jew walk into a bar on their birthday's...

This week's sponsor who didn't give us free beer:

This week's show is dedicated to nothing but:

To download the entire show go to:

The Matt & Melissa Show